Three Little Pigs

https://youtu.be/YyEbAoFrYtg
(listen while you read. I do not own the rights to this song)

The human make up is conditioned to want companionship whether it be friends, luv’rs, children, or animals. We need to fill the void. I am not a scientist and when I thought for 5.2 seconds to go into the field of psychology I quickly realized that was not the life for me. I would be fired within a day. What I am, is observant and an avid researcher on topics I find interesting.

Think about it. We try to connect with individuals through conversation. Feel the vibes of how close our relationship will be. Friend zone to Like Like Zone to Luv Zone. We try. All else fails we get a pet. Divorce Rate- “about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. (Marriage and Divorce, 2019)” “rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s,(HBR ‘Forbes,’2018)”

I was once told by someone that I would be single for the rest of my life because of the way I interact with men. Normally that would hurt like hell to hear and it stung a little but, I had to remind the person I was speaking to that I would rather be straightforward than to pussyfoot around with each other’s intentions. I have too much at stake in my personal life to play pretend and quite honestly, I am too damn old to play games. I understand the need to concede to certain aspects of relationship building but, I was once told by someone extremely important in my life, “Treat the person you are interested in like a friend. That’s how you build your foundation.” Most rush into luv and most of the time fall out of luv just as quickly.

I was talking to a gurl I know who said she would never get married. She was happy being alone. She did not need a man to make her complete. She focused on what she needed to do to make herself happy and let the puzzle pieces called “life” position themselves accordingly. Dot dot dot she happened to reconnect with a high school friend by chance, rekindled their friendship not thinking anything would come out of it only to be surprised by the “luv connection” looming above. What their future may hold no one knows, the beauty of life is, she is happy.

There have been several people in my life so desperate to luv; met someone, “befriended,” married them only to be divorced. End of story. No one wants to go through that but it happens.

I met a guy who is my homie for life. Did the thought cross my mind that we could be more than friends? I would be a liar if I say it didn’t. All the same, dude is my homie. We talk about life, kids, movies, science fiction, work, amongst other things. Friends, how many of us have them? If I have a question, I know I can go to him. If I need to vent, I have an ear to abuse. Friends, the one’s you can depend on.

In today’s society, the art of building a relationship has become both difficult and easy at the same time. From “meet up” groups to dating sites the art of fostering relationships have changed from analog to digital. I use to cringe on “digital-ships” because I am semi old school but I have also seen it work well. For me, I am still that hopeless romantic who is “willing the gods” to place someone in my path by chance and build brick by brick our foundation. Some could say I am dooming myself to fail but who’s to say I am not? “Friendships are vital for wellbeing, but they take time to develop and can’t be artificially created. (2019, Psych Central)”

Hood Citations

2019.https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce

2018 https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2018/05/01/here-is-more-evidence-that-americans-are-lonely-and-what-should-be-done/#641afe203194

Collingwood, J. (2019). The Importance of Friendship. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 5, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-importance-of-friendship/

What’s Your Sign

Being an Aries is a difficult feat.  Our conviction, our ideas, our truths our need for progress are what drive us.  We are often criticized for our “Negative Traits” as if they define us and most over look our positive traits.

Traits of an Aries

Negative: Impatient, Impetuous, Selfish, Jealous, Vain, Prideful, Egotistical, Ruthless, Possessive, and Violent are often associated with us.

Positive:  Spontaneous, Brazen, Action Oriented,  Courageous, Open, and Innovative are never seen

As a Daughter (Child)

We love and respect our parents even though they see us as wild and rebellious.  We stick to our beliefs.  We have a vision and while we may not express it in a way you can understand, our respect for you is constantly at the front of our minds.  We are destined for greatness and a lot of time we try to show it but, what you see is us acting out.  We want to prove to you, we can achieve what you need from us but, let us do it our way (we are thinkers; always looking to find a better way to be successful).

As a Friend

We “feel the more the merrier” meaning it’s ideal to have more friends however, our friends find it difficult to befriend us because we do not place energy in the same ideals/places.  If we say we are going to do something, we do it.  And, we hope friends would do the same, show us the same enthusiasm we show them.  It’s funny because I always tell those whose company I enjoy, “You are my friend in training.  I’ve already accepted you as a friend, I am waiting for you to friend me.”

As a Lover

We are know for our flirtatious and proactive pursuit.  We don’t like to “beat around the bush.”  Monotony and Aries do not equal long lasting relationships; we like to be engaged, passionate, and have adventures and while it is not easy to build a relationship with us, once we are committed we are honest and loyal for life.

As a Mother

We luv to dominate and are protective to a fault.  Very strict at times because we see the potential in our children, we want them to succeed.  We want our children to be well versed and happy, however, we as mommy’s demands compliance.  lol.  I have been told I am too hard on my son, and sometimes it is true but, I am not here to be his friend, I am here to prepare him for the world.  He knows he is loved, not only from me but his family too.

Moral of the Story
We are the first sign of the Zodiac, known for our fiery passion and exuberance.  We want to be known as pioneers; we like to take the road less traveled to give us a challenge.  Charisma and leadership is an innate ability we cherish and most wish they had.  We are forward in our thinking, leading us to express our love and feeling without thought.  We try to be understanding and sympathetic to others plight and while we may not show it, we are listening to you. We are also trying to figure out how we can help you.  Yes you did not solicit advice from us and as hard as it is to not give advice when you didn’t ask – don’t judge us, we are problem solvers.  It’s what we do.

I wrote this as a generalization of the community of Aries however, this is truly about me.  Haha – Ego.

Understanding someone’s sign can sometimes help you in understanding and dealing with a person.  And, while I don’t agree that you should solely go off their Zodiac Sign, I can say that it would definitely help.  As an Aries, I hope you were able to glimpse into who are we, via me and in return have an affinity of anyone who is an Aries in your life.

 

1-Luv

D

The Wind is My Friend

My hair free and of natural flow wanders aimlessly in the wind.  As she whispers go left, my hair sashays left, as she whispers go right, my hair trots right.  In this environment my sight is obstructed, she has disengaged from the effort of being previously styled, she is thanking the wind because now, she is free.  The wind was her liberator, her way of saying she would not be tamed. This was how my hair was when I had a relaxer.

For those who are often confused to the difference between relaxers, perms or being natural.  Relaxers chemically alter (relax) the natural curls in your hair, perms are also chemically altering products giving volume and curls to once straight hair, and natural is a state in which nothing has been used to chemically alter the state of hair you were born with.

For so long, I was addicted to the “creamy crack” called a Relaxer.  My hair was free and easy.  I luved her and she luved me.

Fast forward, to my pregnancy.  An experience forcing me to give up the creamy crack.  WHAT THE HELL!!!  We as women give up so much during pregnancy and the ease of taming the beast or learning how to style natural hair was never an easy feat.  My hair no longer blew in the wind so carelessly, it felt like no matter what I would do to my hair (when I did do something) she would battle with mother nature and mother nature would always win.  The woes of going back to a natural state of mind and body.

In my early days of being natural, I had no idea what I was doing.  I hadn’t been natural since I was a kid and even then, it was my mother was doing my hair, not me.  If I did not keep it curled, I wore weaves.  I did not want to be bothered and when I wore my hair naturally I always felt self conscious.  This was a new life for me; it almost brought back a little insecurities of being accepted in “Corporate America?” However, breezes of wind blew in my ear and whispered that I was not alone.

I began networking in a completely new way…finding other groups of women who were having the same problems as me.  Ways to style and keep your hair healthy was becoming second nature to me however, I still did not accept nor understand the true meaning of being natural.  In all truth, most who go natural are never truthful as to why they went natural and if they are…they glamorize it to make seem like they are connecting to their roots.  I began my natural journey because I was pregnant and stayed with it because my hair began to thin ( a side affect of my munchkin being born).  Being natural and keeping my hair curled allowed me the volume I needed.  If I still had thick hair after pregnancy I would have went back to the creamy crack.  Much easier.

It wasn’t until my fourth 3rd year of being natural that I began to have a true appreciation and respect for being natural.  I began to luv it’s versatility, and in a way it made be become more healthier.  Because I use a lot of natural products in my hair (olive oil, shea butter, coconut oil, Jamaican black caster, vitamin e etc) have a wonderful stylist, and began doing my research on how to grow healthy hair- pinterest and youtube became my best friend, the food I prepared also became healthier.  And now, in my fourth year, I still luv being natural and I also luv my protective styles including wearing weaves or “tracks.”  The wind and I have come to a truce.  She showed me another side to her silly yet helpful ways.  Now, when she flows through my hair, I no longer hide from her assertiveness but accept her with open arms.  She adds more volume to my hair; she gives her life.  I once thought the creamy crack was the best thing in the world…not so much.  I once thought wind was my enemy now, we are best friends.

I have become naturally me!