Anonymity

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Hello, my name is, Danielle, and I am officially a “soccer mom.” I legit have two full time jobs. Taking care of mi munchkin and actually working so I can take care of mi munchkin. If you are asking, “When do I find time to take care of myself?” The answer would be…

I still wouldn’t have an answer. Do I go to the movies? Yes. Do I parlay with my friends? Normally with mi munchkin in tow or sparingly; but, do I actually relax and pamper myself? No. No days off. Sometimes I feel like I can’t afford to. Here’s the funny thing, as of right now, I wouldn’t complain (sometimes I do, djm) or have it any other way.

Before

The first few years of my child’s life, I did not sign my child up for activities because I was new to the mom scene. Adjusting to what it meant to be mom – the constant need to be attentive. When you’re sleep you aren’t resting because the mind is in a constant state of protection, activities with friends are lessened because you change your views on what is considered a valuable reason to hang out, you’re not allowed to be sick, and when deciding what you feed your child, you turn into Julia Child’s. Your entire life changes from birthing another human being; anonymity is what you try to cling to but, it slowly fades away.

(Photo courtesy of https://legaltrapmack.myportfolio.com/)

During

Until one day, you finally see light at the end of the tunnel – as if you were on a journey by train, reaching your first destination, only to be fooled/stymied by new obstacles that present themselves like they were long lost friends. Help is now given to you by those who understand your plight but, you feel guilty in asking them for this thing called, “help.” What does this mean? I hope they don’t think I am trying to use them? I feel bad for even asking for assistance. You settle for your delusion, “you can do it on your own, you don’t want to be a bother,” or, “I really didn’t need to go out anyway.” Help; I scoff at the word.

You finally gain respect for the mothers before you; the single moms, the moms with twins, the widowed moms, and yes…the father’s who are both the dad and the mom. You gain an inherent respect for yourself. In this respect is a piece of anonymity (your infinity stone). Your gain of confidence is now transforming into control. You will forever be a mother, luv your child and protect them by any means. You now realize, in order to be a better mother, you must also be a better you. You still may not go out as often but, you are not so quick to dismiss the idea. When it comes to pampering yourself, while it may not be often, you at least pencil it in. You understand the need to do something for you; in the end, when they are grown and adulting what is left? You.

(Photo courtesy of https://legaltrapmack.myportfolio.com/)

Now

Because you have been prepping them for adulthood and ensuring you are prepared as well, it will be less of an adjustment to the “next journey ” in your life – the new you.  Yes, I am a soccer mom, my life is not my own; I am beginning to appreciate the good,the bad, the ugly of parenting.  I have also understood the need to find the pieces of me.  Reconnect with who I was and how far I have come as woman.  There is no “reward” for being a mother but, seeing your child grow to be what you envisioned them as, is reward enough. Looking for that instant gratification is enjoying the little things like, your child asking if you are okay when you cough, or saying you are beautiful, letting you know they didn’t pee in the bed at night.  Your instant gratification is when someone interacts with your child and they tell you that your child is a delight and has such wonderful manners.

For now, I will stick with my vices – movies, music, real friends, the word “help” (actually using it) and luv from my child.  I will make sure I find time for me. I will continue to find me.

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D.R.U.G.S.

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Devices repossessing us and gouging souls. We do it to take our pain and problems away. The instant gratification we achieve we strive to feel the sensation again and again. Only to realize when it’s too late that we have abused ourselves, taken away a piece of our lives each time we attempt to fill that void. Each time, we play a game of Chance – will death finally win? Will the last piece of our soul be snatched? Will our family’s finally lose someone they luv?

Then, one day it clicks. I want to live, I want to do better, I want to be better, I want my family… I choose life! This is the dream we want for those whom we luv; we want them to see there is so much more to live for. We want them to understand that with their flaws and all, we are and should be their rock to stand on. They don’t have to look to the outside for help but, search within their family for the answer. The answer is luv, support, strength and it’s never yielding or undying. We want to see them as they once were – we want them untainted – WE WANT THEM!

Sometimes their understanding of this is enough to win them over and show them the light. And, then there are times when the battle is lost and they finally found peace – it’s not the peace we wanted but at least they are now at rest and the demons no longer chase them. I hope they understand that even during their last hours, our luv for them never swayed.

This is for those we lost to demons who repossessed and gouged their souls. You will always be luv’d and never forgotten.

(I do not own the rights to his song)

1-luv

D

https://www.facebook.com/redtabletalk/videos/606246693108143/

Ism’s

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Religion has been around since mankind has been in existence. Along with religion has also been Agnosticism and Atheism. However comma as soon as you mention the latter, those who associate with them are immediately judge. It’s funny, as much as I think I have an “open mind” and try not to judge – I find myself judging associates of mine because of who they are. Is it because I grew up in a semi religious household? Certain religions have taught us not to accept homosexuality, races, Atheism/Agnosticism, or anything and anyone that does not agree with the “rules” of their religion. It wasn’t until I went to the 13th grade and took a “Religion of the World’s” course, that I began to learn about other religions and what they have to offer. Even with the new found knowledge, I still hadn’t learned, truly, about Atheism or Agnosticism. Not until now, now that I have people in my life who associate with these ism’s.

Atheism, the absence of belief in the existence of deities – there is no higher being. The etymological root of the word means without god. French philosopher, Jean Paul Sartre believes, “Atheism existentialism are concerned less with denying the existence of God than with establishing man needs to find himself again and to understand that nothing can save him from himself, not even a valid proof of the existence of God.”

Agnosticism, is the view that the existence of God, a divine being, or the supernatural is unknown or unknowable. William Rowe is quoted as saying, “in the strict sense, however, agnosticism is the view that human reason is incapable of providing rational grounds to justify either the belief that God exist or belief that God does not exist.”

Religion does not need to be explained. In fact, one could say it has been over explained. It is what drives many decisions, what the majority associate themselves with whether it be the various forms of Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Muslim, Taoism, and many more. If however comma we wanted a more formal context… according to Webster Dictionary: “the state of religious; the service and worship of God or the supernatural; commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance; a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices; cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith.”

What does all this mean, I gave formal definitions with no real world context. I think I can sum it by quoting one of my newfound favorite scientist. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, “The moment someone attaches you to a movement or philosophy- they assign all its baggage and all its philosophy to you. And, the moment you begin having conversation they insert that know everything important about you because of your association. That’s not the way to have a conversation. Why not just have a ‘real-time’ conversation and explore each other’s ideas/thoughts rather than assign a label to it and insert you know what’s going to happen in advance…I’d rather not be associated with anything.” All of this is exactly what I did. I had a preconceived notion of cynicism being synonymous with atheism and from this I had to take a step back, understand what these forms of ‘isms meant and respect those who associate with them. While this post may be superficial/lack depth I think one could surmise the importance of judgement.

There is a lot of knowledge I have gained from those I meet because of the respect I have for them. Do I agree with everything they say? No. But, I am willing to have an open conversation and understand the various points of view without a pre conceived notion that their view is one way because of who they are associated with rather, the facts they provide regarding the point they are trying to make.

1-Luv,

D

(May not fit entirely with the post but, still a good listen.)

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Becoming Cultured

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As a society, we can sometimes become wrapped up in what is acceptable actions, religion, music, activities, etc according to our nationality. Not realizing, what makes us different and what another culture does can sometimes unify the different races. Over the last few weekends, the togetherness I have seen amongst those I have encountered at Comicon and Renaissance Festival have been a reassuring sign that there is still awesomeness amongst us.

Fantasy Does Exist!!!

I went to Comicon and immediately became overwhelmed by the hero’s, the cosplay, the artist who cater to our need to escape reality. I met legends, saw Vader (I wanted him to say ‘Luke, I am your father.’ but jumbled my words and could only say ‘LUKE!’), purchased pieces of art that expressed me. I was amongst my people – not “black people” but, my people, those who enjoy comics and movies and fantasy. The cool thing was, there was no shaming, no judgment of the color of your skin; it was meant to be fun and fun was had.

Then, I had my first experience at the Renaissance Festival. It was full of pirates, wenches, nymphs, fairies, and pride and guess what?!?! Again, the crowd was diverse. We came to enjoy the artist and be entertained. Again, I was amongst those who luved fantasy, the era of the Renaissance, amongst culture; I was amongst my people.

Look at Me Becoming Cultured!!!

So, what does this mean? Experience is what drives perspective, gives new outlooks on life. Being cultured is not just about learning the history of your race but also, being willing to learn things from other cultures. We don’t have to stick with only “black culture” because that’s the only thing we know or that’s the color our skin. As a society, you can’t grow that way and have a full understanding of what life is through just one set of eyes. Accepting differences, interacting with other communities is what makes the human race great. And for the first time, I finally understand it completely.

My challenge to anyone who reads this: just as you would go to the museums to experience pieces of history, read the required books while in school – don’t stop there. Find local festivals to attend, don’t be afraid to try something different because it’s not apart of your comfort zone, if your children speak to you about religion or other cultures, don’t dismiss them; rather encourage their inquisitive nature. You never know, you too may find something fascinating – I know I have.

Next stop…New York Comicon

Impression

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We search for acceptance from our friends, family, co workers, children, husband/boyfriends, the person walking down the street, the waiter at a restaurant, not realizing that an impression has already been made.  A person has already looked at you and assessed your actions based on their standards.  It’s not until one decides they want to know you that their initial impression ranges from dislike, content, and/or admiration.  Questions: “So why?,” “Why should you care?” and “What is the fix?”

So Why?

Why do we try to make an impression? Why do we care so much? Why? Why? Why? My five cents…we do it because we were conditioned this way.  Think of when you were a kid; before you left the house your parents would warn you not to “act a fool,”  “your actions are a reflection of this household,” they would say.  What about your first date?  The unwritten rule, “Don’t show him/her who you really are.  “Wait a few dates/months’ or the crazy one “until you are married and he’s trapped.”  You go on a job interview, wear certain clothes, you speak and conduct yourself in a manner that is so uncommon that you have to coach yourself days before the interview; then you get the job and the first few months you are on your best behavior and once you feel comfortable you become a little more relax.  Restaurants – same thing, there are even social etiquette classes on how to conduct yourself in a social setting; as we speak, there is a format on how to engage your audience when blogging – “Social Norms” we call them.

So…why should we care?

I have a coworker who wants a James Jean “Crayon Eater” tattoo, however, is hesitant because of the social stigma that blinds our creativity and individuality.  She’s not sure how she would be perceived.  In speaking with her, this is one of her favorite artist, his work describes perfectly what is in her head.  Why should she care?

My son, a young black boy growing up in a “free”  but racist, discriminant, world.  Why should I care? Especially when, as much as you try to ensure they speak /respect others, peoples hate can sometimes affect how they treat people of color.  Why should I care?

The Fix

If we were meant to be the same, we would all be the same color, height, weight, sex; we would speak a certain way, conduct ourselves as a “Collective.”  My response to my coworkers hesitancy about getting the tattoo, “Tattoos are extensions of art, an extension of you.  If this is something you luv, do it.  When you luv it, you don’t regret it.”  In her situation she should not care what others thinks.

Me, I am 7 of 9.  I was once part of a collective: I had to think, act, and dress a certain way until I realized there was a way to construct my social etiquette without losing sight of who I am.  As I mature, I realize there is a need to “instruct” others on how they conduct themselves.  Every action will have a reaction.  We as individuals choose how our first impressions to others will be and should accept the reactions given.

My son, I should care.  I want him to make an impression, his impression.  So, what do I do?  I explain to him what I have learned, show him what happens when he goes left, or goes right, I teach him to think for himself, I provide him with the good, the bad, the ugly; I explain to him my idea of life and what it’s about, and as he grows/matures I pray that his impression is a positive lasting impression.  I pray whatever path he chooses, he thought about it and accepts the journey he will take.

As long as we are aware of our actions, impressions though needed should be our own.

Conviction

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Conviction: a firmly held belief or opinion.
I guess you can say growing up I was not raised to see color; instead people’s actions are what constituted how you should act towards them. In high school I knew I was discriminated against but never fully comprehended it. When I began working, segregation was created in an unconventional way but in order to get your check, you dealt with the conditions you were in unless you lucked up in your position and found a group of coworkers who treated each other as equals and gave respect. In the meantime, you do what you have to do in order to get to where you want to be. It wasn’t until a few years ago I found my conviction, my beliefs, my voice, my passion, my purpose with caveats. Now, how do I hone in? Relay my truths? Affect the masses in a positive way? Reach the youth? Keep my sanity? Keep my mind clear? Stay balanced? Support my family? And be true…to me?
I wrote a while back that being an Aries is a tough job, because we want to succeed and accept any challenge life gives us. We want to take life’s lemons and create a wonderful lemonade to share with others but, it’s a tough/daunting process. And sometimes trying to reach that zen like feeling especially, when you have dual hats – family provider and a want to be the voice of the community becomes a struggle. How do you choose? Or, do you have to?
So, before I go so far off the beaten path that I lose you, let me explain. Over the last few weeks I have asked various people  “What it meant to be black in America?”  The further I did my research, it should come to no surprise that there are others who have sought this difficult and unyielding quest. I tried anyway because again, I like the challenge.  And while the answers received were somewhat no different then other answers or views I’ve read, I still found them to be unique. I realized this is an open ended question because, answers can change from one persons experience to the next. I also listened to several interviews to give me another way of looking at the reality; giving me another perspective. For that, my eyes have widened and my plate is now the size of a Thanksgiving dinner.
With that being said, over the next few weeks, I will be posting people’s opinions, questions and truths. Conduct more research in hopes that I can condense people’s truths, make it palatable, and the work towards figuring out how we as a
whole can come together and show those who do not believe in unity that unity is as not as bad as you think it is.
Something for you to think about, “What do you think it means to be ‘Black in America’?”

What’s Your Sign

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Being an Aries is a difficult feat.  Our conviction, our ideas, our truths our need for progress are what drive us.  We are often criticized for our “Negative Traits” as if they define us and most over look our positive traits.
Traits of an Aries

Negative: Impatient, Impetuous, Selfish, Jealous, Vain, Prideful, Egotistical, Ruthless, Possessive, and Violent are often associated with us.

Positive:  Spontaneous, Brazen, Action Oriented,  Courageous, Open, and Innovative are never seen

As a Daughter (Child)
We love and respect our parents even though they see us as wild and rebellious.  We stick to our beliefs.  We have a vision and while we may not express it in a way you can understand, our respect for you is constantly at the front of our minds.  We are destined for greatness and a lot of time we try to show it but, what you see is us acting out.  We want to prove to you, we can achieve what you need from us but, let us do it our way (we are thinkers; always looking to find a better way to be successful).
As a Friend
We “feel the more the merrier” meaning it’s ideal to have more friends however, our friends find it difficult to befriend us because we do not place energy in the same ideals/places.  If we say we are going to do something, we do it.  And, we hope friends would do the same, show us the same enthusiasm we show them.  It’s funny because I always tell those whose company I enjoy, “You are my friend in training.  I’ve already accepted you as a friend, I am waiting for you to friend me.”

As a Lover
We are know for our flirtatious and proactive pursuit.  We don’t like to “beat around the bush.”  Monotony and Aries do not equal long lasting relationships; we like to be engaged, passionate, and have adventures and while it is not easy to build a relationship with us, once we are committed we are honest and loyal for life.

As a Mother
We luv to dominate and are protective to a fault.  Very strict at times because we see the potential in our children, we want them to succeed.  We want our children to be well versed and happy, however, we as mommy’s demands compliance.  lol.  I have been told I am too hard on my son, and sometimes it is true but, I am not here to be his friend, I am here to prepare him for the world.  He knows he is loved, not only from me but his family too.

Moral of the Story
We are the first sign of the Zodiac, known for our fiery passion and exuberance.  We want to be known as pioneers; we like to take the road less traveled to give us a challenge.  Charisma and leadership is an innate ability we cherish and most wish they had.  We are forward in our thinking, leading us to express our love and feeling without thought.  We try to be understanding and sympathetic to others plight and while we may not show it, we are listening to you. We are also trying to figure out how we can help you.  Yes you did not solicit advice from us and as hard as it is to not give advice when you didn’t ask – don’t judge us, we are problem solvers.  It’s what we do.

I wrote this as a generalization of the community of Aries however, this is truly about me.  Haha – Ego.

Understanding someone’s sign can sometimes help you in understanding and dealing with a person.  And, while I don’t agree that you should solely go off their Zodiac Sign, I can say that it would definitely help.  As an Aries, I hope you were able to glimpse into who are we, via me and in return have an affinity of anyone who is an Aries in your life.

 

1-Luv

D